The links connected to this page will guide you through a myriad of resources to strengthen you as a parent and parent advocate. Here is some fun reading on your journey:
Why a “perfect mother” could never do what I do:
1. A perfect mother can only keep her title if she has a perfect child. Fortunately, I am more mature than that. I have lived and been through hard times. For that reason, I find inherent worth in those little imperfect souls who, for no fault of their own, came to earth with mental illness, difficult circumstances, and behavioral and learning disabilities.
2. A perfect mother is known for her routine and structure. Fortunately, I am not always very good at those things. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, whip things together at the very last minute, and “fake it till I make it.” For that reason, when my child has a fit ten minutes before leaving, I can adapt. I can adjust. My creative mind instantly thinks of 1000 different ways to handle the situation. Surely, one of them is right. The perfect mother, on the other hand, has had her day ruined by an unforeseen catastrophe. Her brain registers crisis. My brain registers opportunity.
3. A perfect mother has perfect discipline. Unfortunately, her book is missing the key pages on fecal smearing, death threats, and cruelty to animals. Although I am not perfect, I have been able to handle these issues (repeatedly) and my child and I are still living.
4. A perfect mother would never think about giving up. My daily life would drive her insane. She, like me, would be incapable of meeting all the demands of the day. With no option to give up, she would nonfunctional, probably worse than my child, by nightfall. I, on the other hand, have kept my rational mind and think of giving up weekly, if not, daily. Some days, hourly. It’s that rational thought that gives me balance. Each day with my child is a conscious choice made by my mother’s heart – even when my brain is screaming something else.
5. A perfect mother is revered for serving nutritious meals on time. My meals are on the grocery list, but rarely get made because I realize that the life sustaining nourishment my child so desperately needs is time, love and trust. I serve that with all my grilled cheese sandwiches. It’s a tall order – only an imperfect mom can do it.
6. A perfect mother could never talk to my child’s teacher. To do so requires showing complete love and acceptance, as well as conscious admission of chaos. That would destroy a perfect mother’s image. I am imperfectly beautiful in that respect.
7. A perfect mother could never admit she knows nothing and feels helpless. It is my knowledge of my imperfections that allows me to reach out for strength from others. My child counts on me to do that on a daily basis.
8. A perfect mother would need a shower every day, three square meals, and clean clothes, properly pressed. I make it by in sweats, pbj sandwiches, and a few fruit roll ups for days on end, when necessary.
9. A perfect mother makes valentines, popcorn on string at Christmas, a full Thanksgiving dinner. When would she ever find time to check the toothbrushes for toilet water, the hand towels for feces, and the closet corner for poop?
10. A perfect mother could never give what I give because she doesn’t exist. Thank heaven my child was given me instead of someone who could never be real.
I am imperfect, but I am beautifully imperfect. My imperfections make me approachable, teachable, and loveable.